www.reclaimingbeauty.com

Thanks for your interest!

I love how this ripple of inspiration is flowing wider and wider.

I often ask my clients: What would you be doing with your energy if it were freed up from your struggles with food and body image? This is a process I affectionately refer to in my own life as ‘Bust Out and Sparkle.’ Kimberly, Heather and the women of Project Heal have used their energy to create opportunities for other women to heal and start down the path of recovery. As women heal from eating disorders, one by one, they will be free to use their energy to add their unique strength, passion and beauty to this world. And we are living in an age where the world desperately needs everyone’s strength, everyone’s passion and everyone’s beauty for its own healing.

So I invite you to join me in creating an opportunity for another woman to bust out and sparkle by attending the Heal Tapestry Fundraiser on May 27th. There will be live music, raffle prizes, a hula hoop performance by the goddesses of Asheville Hoops Troupe, eating disorder awareness, free food and fun. Tickets can be purchased in advance for $15. They are also still looking for donations for the raffle if YOU are feeling inspired. To purchase tickets or donate to the raffle contact Kimberly Jones at thehealtapestryfund@gmail.com.

Every woman is beautiful and deserves a chance, and the world deserves a chance to experience every woman’s beauty.

Hope to see you May 27th!

Four years ago I was working very comfortably as a Qualified Professional for Appalachian Counseling doing case management and brief therapy for people with mental health issues. I was good at what I did and it came easy for me. The owner of Appalachian Counseling, Jane Ferguson, had just opened a new residential treatment center for women with eating disorders in Brevard – Tapestry. She was looking to hire a new therapist for Tapestry and out of the blue called me and asked if I would be interested in interviewing.  At first, to myself, I said an immediate ‘H*** no!’ I had some experience working with this population and knew that the issues they faced were very close to home to my own challenges. I also knew I had a lot to learn in order to help these women in an effective way. Luckily, I kept that ‘H*** no!’ to myself. I went home and talked over this opportunity with my husband. He made an excellent point… how often does a person receive a call like this one, a call to take the next step in their professional and personal journey? I felt honored that Jane saw some potential in me that I had not recognized myself. I heard the call and accepted the challenge and have been working for Tapestry ever since.

Over the last four years I have come to see my work at Tapestry as Feminist Activism. I work to help empower women, one at a time, by planting seeds to free them from their struggles with food and body image. In the recovery process, it is often said that body image is the last and hardest thing to shift. This makes sense because in our current society it is truly a radical practice for women to reject the physical “ideals” that are being sold to us. More and more I am seeing that external struggles with body image are playing out internal struggles with how a person values oneself. Body image can shift as a person begins to connect to and embrace their authentic Self and live from that place. In the process of helping people heal their food and body issues, I feel grateful for the opportunity to serve as a midwife for the true Self.

Throughout my process, I have been interested in the concept of beauty and how a woman can reclaim her own beauty. A clue that beauty was an important aspect of what drew me to this work was offered to me the very first Family Weekend I was involved in at Tapestry. During this weekend, the father of one of the residents, a man who had some Native American heritage, shared a poem that intrigued me. It was the following traditional Navajo prayer:

In beauty may I walk

All day long may I walk

With beauty before me may I walk

With beauty behind me may I walk

With beauty above me may I walk

With beauty all around me may I walk

Walk in beauty

Walk in beauty

Sensing the deeply spiritual understanding of beauty held by the Navajo Indians, I wanted to learn more about this prayer. My research efforts on the internet proved to be less than satisfyng. I learned of a ceremony called the Beautyway in which the Navajo participate to regain a sense of Beauty, Balance and Harmony. I would really love to know more about this ceremony first hand so if anyone reading this post could connect me to someone who might have more information I would be so thrilled. I did see the following definition: The concept ‘to walk in beauty’ is the process of being connected to one’s true Self – the Soul self. This definition resonates with my own understanding of what makes a person beautiful. Through the process of gaining Self-Knowledge, I have worked to connect to and embody my own sense of beauty, so naturally this is what I value in the work I do as a counselor.

Self-knowledge seems to be the thread that connects my various interests and obsessions. Counseling, yoga, songwriting, expressive arts, the enneagram, tarot, astrology, internal family systems, my relationships – all are tools for gaining deeper Self-knowledge and therefore gaining a deeper sense of one’s beauty. In my own Beauty walk, it is time to further my exploration into beauty with the Reclaiming Beauty Playshop. I am excited to be starting a 6 week Reclaiming Beauty pilot group. I have invited some friends to join me in experimenting with the reclaiming beauty ideas. I look forward to deepening this exploration and sharing it with others.

What is your definition of beauty? Is it wide enough to include your Self? In what ways do you embody your Self-knowledge and therefore your beauty?

I will leave you with a beauty way perspective on the Buddhist Loving Kindness Meditation offered from one of my yoga teachers, John Friend, creator of Anusara Yoga:

May all beings, including myself, be free from pain and suffering

May we all awaken to the essential goodness and beauty that shines in our hearts

I honor the beauty within you from the beauty within me

Walk in beauty

Image: Anahata Katkin

I love how my new Saucony Prorigid Ride 3 running shoes glow phosphorescent against the gray, rainy sky of New Year’s Day 2011 here in Asheville.  Feels like a metaphor!

Dreaming about my New Year’s intentions…

Will keep ya posted…

Happy New Year!

Last Spring, as I was driving home from work, I heard a powerful report on NPR about the recovery effort in Haiti after the worst earthquake in the country’s history occurred January 12, 2010.  The aftermath of this devastating earthquake, which left more than 250,000 dead and up to 1.5 million homeless, truly tested the resiliency of the Haitian people. However, I was struck by the reported motto of the Haitian people in the face of this tragedy: “Nou Met Led Me Nou La!” which translates to, “We may be ugly, but we are here.”

In the context of my work with women who struggle with disordered eating and body image issues, this statement was mind-blowing. It is amazing how quickly the important aspects of life are put in perspective when reflecting on this level of human loss and suffering. And how powerful the expression of gratitude at the most basic gift of life.

For weeks after I heard this story, whenever I would hear a client struggling with their body image, the uncensored version of me would want to shout loudly: “You may be ugly, but you are here!” Luckily, I recognized that this kind of statement would most likely not communicate empathy to my clients like they are used to receiving from me. After all, I am usually the one that educates them on the various factors that make a person susceptible to negative body image including low self-esteem, societal and familial messages, biological vulnerability in the form of perfectionistic and obsessive-compulsive traits, developmental history and trauma history. With this level of understanding, I would never want to communicate a simplistic, snap-out-of-it message like: ‘Get over yourself and appreciate what you have!’ Yet, I do see a benefit in sharing this Haitian recovery motto with my clients - developing a mindfulness practice of replacing bad body thoughts with gratitude thoughts.

Bad body thoughts, no matter what their root, can become a repetitive tape in a person’s head. Eventually, people who struggle with negative body image may not even realize what triggers them to start thinking the disparaging thoughts – they have become a well-worn pathway in the brain. But the exciting truth that meditators have known from experience, and researchers are now proving, is that we can train our minds and change our brains by using mindfulness. We can replace the bad body thought pathways with new pathways of gratitude.

Mindfulness, as defined by Jon Kabat-Zinn, is the practice of paying attention to the present moment without judgement. Using gratitude as a reclaiming beauty practice, a person becomes aware of their mind starting down the path of bad body thoughts, without judgement, and then shifts their focus to gratitude. This process creates a new mental filter of appreciation. What CAN you appreciate about your body? Shift your focus from FORM to FUNCTION.

A daily gratitude practice can be a helpful tool in training your brain to shift its focus. Here are some ideas from M.J. Ryan’s book, Attitudes of Gratitude:

~ Identify 3 things you are grateful for today and what is your part in them?

~ How could things be worse? I’m glad I’m not…

~ When you are struggling, look for the “gift in the wound.” Ask yourself: How have I grown through this difficulty?

I am grateful for the blessings around me, which I can appreciate best when I am attending to them- my beautiful son and husband, our home, my family and friends, fulfilling work, a healthy back so I can move my body again, motherhood and creative outlets. In this season of giving thanks, I am happy to join in the chorus: We may be ugly, but we are here!

You are NOT ugly, but you ARE here! What are you feeling thankful for?

Please leave a comment if you feel inspired.

On Sunday, September 26th, my little sister, Becky, and I joined the ranks of the Ramblin’ Rose Super Sprint Triathletes. We had such a blast at this event – realizing our triathlete potential quite unexpectedly. Our older sister, Katie, had participated in this event 2 years ago, and got us on board to join her in the fun. I would have never signed up for a triathlon if it hadn’t been for Katie. My swimming skills amount to doggie paddling and my own creative variation of the breaststroke…  and Becky and I have forever joked about how we cheated our way through the Guppies and Minnows swim class at the Y when we were kids. But I signed up in support of my sister despite this limitation, ’cause that’s what a sister does.

The week before the event, Katie decided she had too much going on to participate this year. I reconsidered my participation, doubting if I was truly prepared. However, I decided since I would be going down to Charlotte to cheer Becky on anyway, I might as well go for it.

My training for this event consisted of the following:

+ 2 mile run: began the Couch to 5K training program in April and completed a 5K in June, continued running 3x/wk

+ 250 yard swim: figured out exactly how many laps = 250 yards and practiced ONCE in my Mom’s neighborhood pool in July

+ 9 mile bike: took a few spin classes over the summer, rented a bike and did a few rides on vacation at the beach the week before the event

Once I got my body back into running and realized how manageable a 250 yard swim was, I felt fairly confident about completing the race. I figured I could get on a bike anytime, anywhere and do the 9 mile ride no problem. Becky did the research to learn what it meant to set-up a transition station and took care of all the logistics. Yay, Becky! Then for our final psych up, we went out the night before and got matching outfits, ’cause that’s what a sister does.

The morning of the triathlon, gathering with the 1000 other women who were anxiously awaiting to begin, Becky and I started questioning ourselves. What were we thinking signing up for a triathlon? Would we make everyone we were swimming with mad because we calculated the wrong swim time? Would running be crazy difficult after swimming and biking? We just needed to get in the pool and begin. Becky started her swim at 8:40am, 40 minutes before me, so I got to cheer her on for her 10 laps of the pool. I was inspired by how far she had come with her freestyle stroke since Guppies and Minnows class! When she finished, she disappeared from the pool area off to the next stage of the triathlon.

I was in the pool and began the triathlon at 9:22am. I was able to pull off my swim stroke without breaking into a doggie paddle, and was so exhilarated from the water. From there, I transitioned to the bike portion. Here’s where it became eventful for me. About 5 miles into the 9 mile bike ride, just as I was feeling confident about my riding, the left pedal and crank came off my bike. Of course, this really wasn’t that surprising since I didn’t think to get my bike tuned up before the race and hadn’t ridden my actual bike for several years. The bike mechanics came and attempted to help me fix the problem. But without the bolt, which I had probably left far behind on the road, my bike couldn’t be repaired along the race route. An event official showed up in a car to drive me back to the finish line. At this moment, I remembered my Dad’s race advice from when I ran a marathon many years ago: Run ’til you can’t run. Walk ’til you can’t walk. Crawl ’til you can’t crawl. And slither on in! I was not ready to stop or to accept defeat to my poor race preparation… I was determined to slither on in if I had to… so I walked my one-pedaled bike the remaining 4 miles.   

I proudly finished the bike portion of the event, walking my bike across the transition line, waving my pedal in declaration that my positive attitude was no match for this obstacle. And my reward… by the time I was transitioning into the run, Becky had already completed the triathlon and had time to recuperate. She joined me and we ran my final 2 miles together, ’cause that’s what a sister does.  

Of 961 finishers, I was number 937! Becky finished 345th. My hero.

So, any Asheville sisters or Asheville mamas want to join me for Ramblin’ Rose 2011?

This post is dedicated to my Title Nine Last Resort Sports Bra xo

Through my parallel process of this Strength/Lustre year, I have been exploring my mind/body/spirit to see where I can more finely tune my inner experience to be living from my own philosophy. I texted my sister with some thoughts that have been heavy on my heart through this process, and she responded, “You need to read this awesome blog, embody yourself. The author is so wise.” She reminded me to tune in again to my inner wisdom. I’m left with a question that my clients often ask me… Why is our own inner wisdom so hard to hear?

I know for me this challenge – to hear and heed my own inner wisdom – is impeded by old and stale false beliefs of self-doubt. My self-doubt stems from believing my power is drained by my emotional/intuitive/sensitive nature. Here again are the feminine archetypal qualities that I champion and channel into my work- and then in my inner work must champion in myself over and over again so that I don’t take the self-doubt out on my body/spirit.

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results, then my thoughts, the actions they lead to, and wondering why I still feel stuck in this self-doubt will definitely make me crazy. When I catch myself falling back into the old false belief system, I have an opportunity to practice what I preach. I love to quote Bob Marley to my clients: “Emancipate yourself from mental slavery, none but ourselves can free our minds.” We must question our inner authority – freeing our minds requires questioning the beliefs from which we are living.  (thank you, Geneen Roth) When I can use my inner wisdom to compassionately witness this negative mental process, I become angry at all the reasons this belief was formed in my mind. And anger brings energy that can be channeled into change. I am tired of draining my energy through this self-doubting… I know my power can be fully claimed so that I can be effective and authentic in my life and my work.

My Aunt Karen gave me her Couch to 5K update after the last post… couch. You can do this program, Karen! Just download the podcasts and away you go.

Summer breeze makes me feel fine. 5K therapy is the best.

On May 15th, we celebrated my older sister Katie’s 39th birthday by running a 5k. My sisters Katie and Becky ran together up front and were my inspiration and cheerleaders. So strong and amazing. My dad and my husband, Kelly, joined me for the run/walk series, complete with Kelly pushing our 9 month old Joseph in the jog stroller. Becky, Kelly and Joseph will join me June 19th for the culmination couch to 5K run. I am excited already!

The kissmyblackass.org running podcasts have been essential in the training process. The rhythm and beat of the music have helped me get my body in motion, even on days like today where I felt heavy and low energy. The music styles have expanded from the Hip Hop selections of the first few weeks. However, those Hip Hop days were my favorite runs. Don’t get me wrong, I can appreciate 80′s music and the Teen Pop mix, but these styles don’t have the same propelling effect as the down and dirty Hip Hop grooves.

During week 3 I had an interesting experience with one of the song choices… You’s A Ho by Ludacris. I gotta say, the chorus has a catchy tune. It really sounds to me like it could be a theme from a classical dirge. And it gets stuck in your head. I found myself spontaneously singing it at work… “You’s a ho. You’s a ho. You’s a ho. I said that you’s a ho.” I started to realize what a crazy message this was to have stuck in my head. I had a revelation about negative self-talk: the way it is similar to having headphones in your ear playing a tune over and over again. I tried to explain this metaphor to a client, using the example of hearing “You’s a ho!” over and over in my head, encouraging her to take off the headphones of the current negative self-talk and replace it with a new message. I thought it was a brilliant metaphor until she told me upon her graduation from Tapestry that her most memorable individual session was when I called her a Ho.

I feel inspired to create my own Couch to 5k running podcasts, using music choices that inspire and empower women. My hope is that the songs supporting the runs would leave catchy choruses with positive messages stuck in your head. This will be an ongoing project, as I know it will be challenging to find time with everything else I am balancing in my life at the moment. The Embody Yourself Couch to 5k running podcasts… if you have song ideas, please comment!

With my first career path in Music Therapy, I understand the benefits of music in the development of my child. Recently, I have been reflecting on the connection between music and my current passion of embodiment. Making music engages and enlivens all of the senses which brings a person fully into their body in the present moment. I am realizing that through this Music Together experience I have also been sharing the joy of embodiment with my baby.

Music Together is a national program and I highly recommend it to any one interested in sharing music and embodiment with their child. Here in Asheville we have an amazing resource through Asheville Area Music Together.

Hopefully Joey and I will see you in class!

My previous Maya Rides Away partner in music, Leah Joy, is making music for children with her husband. I love this song, Music Baby, and the music video they created for it:

And if you are wondering about the current music creations of the other half of Maya Rides Away… well, I am making music for children, too… (My former percussion professor, Mr. Wojtera, would be so proud!)